10 days on the countdown...

So, with ten days left on the countdown to a new beginning in my life I have started sorting through my feelings; the truth is, I don't really know what I'm feeling.  Some are extremely nervous...anxiously re-reading all the paperwork to make sure they haven't forgotten anything.  Some are very excited to begin...excited to say, "I have completed my first day of law school."  I, however, I am not nervous.  I am excited.  But, really, I'm still kind of in the "shock" phase.  Law school is generally something people only do on television...or at least that's always how it seemed...until now.  Now, I'm registered for law school classes.  My name is on a roster somewhere as a law student.

Most of us are in contact with a few 2Ls to find out what we should expect: professors, dress code, study habits, psychiatrists (totally kidding, I think?).  So, I thought that maybe I should write some type of blog to help next years students, assuming I make it that far.

We are required to do a pre-test for core grammar for legal writers (...ha, yea, I'm just as lost as you are!).  Speaking of grammar, let me add that by no means is this post grammatically correct...I just don't have time for that right now.  Anyway, I scored a 62% which is obviously a failing score, but I'm pretty sure most if not all of us fail that assignment.  The bright side is that I did test out of five lessons by scoring 100%.  Legal grammar is almost COMPLETELY different than the rules we have been taught since middle school; adapting to that is going to be brutal.  But, I signed up for a challenge, and I'm prepared to take it head on.

We are also required to read To Kill a Mockingbird before Orientation (and then we will discuss it there).  That just happens to be my favorite book EVER, so this task isn't challenging at all.

I still feel like I'm forgetting something though; I have my books (except for the two the bookstore must order); I have my legal dictionary, my planner, and my parking decal.  I have waived the school health insurance, applied for scholarships, completed a school tour, and filed for direct deposit of my refund...what am I forgetting?  No clue at the moment, but if I figure it out I'll let you know.

Might I add that orientation will last three days next week, and one day we are required to wear a suit.  Lucky me, I already have one...but what about the other students that must go out and buy one?  I find it ridiculous that they expect this out of you when refunds aren't distributed until the end of the month.  Many of us are broke, hello?!

But, back to my feelings.  Indeed, it feels unreal that I have made it this far.  It seems like yesterday I was graduating from high school, and even though professional school has always been my dream doesn't mean I was ever actually sure I would make it.  BUT I DID!  I'm proud, I'm excited, I'm so many mixed emotions...and I deserve this.  Not tooting my own horn, but I definitely deserve this.


I'm finished talking.  Until next time...

Sixteen only comes once in a lifetime...

Just when I thought time was beginning to slow down I blinked and the little boy who I've called my brother for over half of my life jumped from age 6 to 16 in what seems like a matter of months.  

Sixteen years old.  Calvin.  This cannot be happening.  The baby I used to give baths, the toddler I taught to swim, the Kindergartener that I taught to write his name in cursive, the third-grader who I coached and encouraged during EOG prep, the fifth-grader I helped with math assignments...has turned into the sixteen year old young man who will now take on the world without his big sister.

While I am excited about him getting his license a part of me is terrified.  I won't be there to help him make his decisions, to tell him wrong from right, to confront him with consequences, to tell him not to text and drive, to tell him to wear his seat belt, and so on.  I will not be there to threaten to take his car or to tell Momma.  I remember Momma being the same way when I got my license- and I thought she was crazy.  But, the truth is, I see my little brother as my own child.  I was there to help raise him, to babysit him summer after summer (many of those summers in which he actually called me Momma), to stay up late on New Years and the Fourth of July to show him fireworks, to cook him chicken nuggets at midnight, and to teach him to drive the four-wheeler.  Not taking away from Momma, because she never fails to give him what he wants or needs; but, I feel like he's mine too.  And I definitely show it! Whether it be fussing at him about his report cards, telling him what he can and cannot put on Facebook, telling him to apologize when he's wrong but stand up for what he knows is right, and threatening to punish him in one way or another- most of the time I can put the fear of God in him.  Well, more so when he was younger (he's become much more stubborn in his old age).  But, I'm a sister too.  I can fuss and fight with him- you cannot.  I can tell him very bluntly about what I think of his actions/attitudes- you may not.  And when he texts me about a girl....I'm the first to be completely honest about what I think of the little heffa.  Yes, I said heffa.  The day he becomes serious with a girl is the day I will be super excited for him, but the day she will meet one of the scariest females of her lifetime.

So while today is a very exciting day for him, it is a very emotional day for me.  I have set out to be the best role model I can be, I have provided the best advice and encouragement that I could possibly think of, I have pushed him to be the best that he could be, I have begged him to do well in school and go to college, and

I have tried to be the best big sister I can be.  From now on I can only hope that I have had some type of impact on his life.  I can only hope that something I said will stay with him.  I can only hope that my own battles have been an inspiration to him.  And I can only hope that I have been the big sister he's wanted me to be.

Calvin Britt- I love you with all my heart! Keep making me proud, and....

Happy 16th Birthday, Brat!

Final Speech for Public Speaking

Title: Lupus is my inspiration

General Purpose:  To inspire.

Specific Purpose:  To inspire my audience about the disease that affects my daily life.

Central Idea:  Some may find having a disease to be a horrible experience, but through my diagnosis, treatments, and daily struggles with Lupus I have become a stronger woman than ever before.

INTRODUCTION

Attention-Getter:   Have you ever heard someone mention that they had a disease and wanted to know more about it, but were afraid to ask?  Have you ever experienced someone passing out in class and you didn’t know what was wrong with them? 

Relevance:  Since I gave everyone a little scare a few weeks ago I thought it was only fair to let you in on my little secrets and the disease that controls my actions.

Credibility:  I stand before you today as a very proud and well researched 10 year Lupus survivor.

Preview:  Since Kindergarten I have been an overachieving student.  I did all my work to my best ability and I did it quickly, then I would move on to help others.  This actually got me in a lot of trouble since my teacher thought I should “mind my own business.”  I was only trying to productive and helpful.  I don’t remember a single time when I wasn’t this type of person.  In 5^th grade I began having daily migraines, anxiety, and I passed out during field day.  My parents and teachers blamed it on being in a new environment (since I had just switched from elementary to middle school), blamed it on my hair (because it was so thick and long), and blamed it on dehydration (and made me drink fluids constantly).  I was 10 years old- I didn’t know or care what it was, but I did care that it made me miss a lot of school.

Link:  The next year, 6^th grade, I came home one Friday afternoon with a migraine, high fever, and a rash that continued throughout the night and the next morning.  Some may not believe in superstitions, but Friday September 13^th 2002 is the day my life changed forever. 

I.                    It would take days to find out exactly what was wrong with me, what my specific diagnosis would be, but we did not know that.

A.    My mom took me to the Urgent Care that morning, she could sense something was really wrong- I couldn’t.

a.      The Urgent Care refused to treat me because of how bad I looked.

b.      They referred me to the Emergency Room and staff was waiting once I got there.

B.     When I got to the Emergency Room at Southeastern Regional Medical Center in Lumberton, N.C. I only remember a few things.

a.       I remember when we got there the parking lot was packed.  I knew it was going to take forever to be seen, and I didn’t want to be there all day.

b.      So, I lied and told my mom my headache had suddenly gone away.  She didn’t buy it and made me go anyway.

c.       I don’t remember anything from the front doors of the hospital until a few hours later when the ER doctor came to my room and told my mom that I had a bladder infection.

                                                                                      i.      He had written a prescription for antibiotics and told me to get some rest.

                                                                                    ii.      My mom asked if I got worse in the night if I would be able to come back to the ER and be seen immediately, and the DR replied that I’d have to wait just like everyone else.

                                                                                  iii.      My mom was spitting bullets at this point, and she told the doctor and I quote “If something happens to my child tonight I’ll own the Children’s Clinic.” 

                                                                                  iv.      The DR then asked if she wanted me to be admitted in which my mom replied, “That’s why I have her here.”

d.      From that point I again do not remember anything until around 7 that night (keep in mind I don’t know what time I got to the hospital but it was much earlier in the day).

                                                                                      i.      In my hometown there’s a place called Fuller’s BBQ- a restaurant that specializes in Southern home cooking- some of you may even be familiar with it since they also have a Fayetteville location.

                                                                                    ii.      It was my favorite place to eat, and as a gesture to make me feel better my dad and sister brought me a plate to the hospital full of collards, black eyed peas, and fat back.

                                                                                  iii.      When I couldn’t even take a bite of that plate I then realized I was really sick.

C.     With the plate of food still on the tray in front of me, the doctors came in and told my parents that I needed to be sent to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center in Fayetteville.  I was not sure why I needed to be transferred, and just assumed it was because mom was mad at the doctors there.

                                                                                      i.      After 8 hours at Lumberton I was rushed by the ambulance to Cape Fear (a ride I do not remember at all).

                                                                                    ii.      It was late at night when I got there, they inserted a catheter (and for an unfamiliar 11 year old that was a strange situation).

                                                                                  iii.      They begged me to eat all night long and I couldn’t even eat a Popsicle.

                                                                                  iv.      Early the next morning the doctors came in and said I was in desperate need of a blood transfusion, and that I needed to be in Duke because of my age.

                                                                                    v.      I immediately took another ride on the ambulance and this time I only remember it because they woke me up every few minutes asking me if I was okay and begging me to stay awake.

                                                                                  vi.      At this point I didn’t know that they feared I was slipping into a coma, and that the only reason I wasn’t air lifted was because the weather was too bad (I never even knew it was raining).  I didn’t find this out until I was 18.

D.    I don’t remember what time of day I arrived at Duke, but I do remember being put in ICU on the pediatric floor.

                                                                                      i.      This was exactly one year and two days after the attack of Sept 11^th, and I woke up to a crowd of Middle Eastern doctors surrounding my bed side.

                                                                                    ii.      As an innocent and ignorant 11 year old- I was scared to death.

                                                                                  iii.      I don’t remember anything else for an entire week, but I can tell you that from the short distance from Fayetteville to Duke God performed a miracle- in that short period of time my blood counts elevated enough that I was nowhere near needing a blood transfusion- that, my friend, is the power of prayer.

E.     My diagnosis came on September 20^th, 2002, seven days after I had been admitted to the hospital.

                                                                                      i.      The doctors came into my room and asked my parents to step out to discuss the test results, but my parents insisted that I deserved to know.

                                                                                    ii.      I remember hearing the words “Kayla has a disease called Lupus,” and from that I don’t remember anything she went on to say about the disease.

                                                                                  iii.      I cried hysterically, but not because I was scared, I cried because I thought I was supposed to.  The people on TV always do.

                                                                                  iv.      My kidneys had shut down, my blood pressure was four times higher than it was supposed to be, I was still anemic, and I needed help FAST.

II.                 I began treatments the very same day.

a.       I started on Cytoxan, a type of chemotherapy through an IV to help recover my kidneys.  (This is also the same treatment that Kate was given in the movie My Sister’s Keeper).

                                                              i.      I was instructed that I would take chemo treatments once a month for a year, and then I would take them once every three months for a year for a total of 18 treatments.

                                                            ii.      Most chemo patients take it daily for a few weeks, for about an hour or two a day, but when I went in every month I received 12 straight hours of therapy.

                                                          iii.      Yes, I got sick.  It put a horrible taste in my mouth, made my urine smell so bad that it alone could make me throw up, and made me vomit uncontrollably.

                                                          iv.      That didn’t depress me, but it did anger me because I wasn’t in control.

                                                            v.      I took my very last chemo treatment on October 13, 2004 and my family and friends threw me a “No More Chemo Party.”

                                                          vi.      While my kidneys still aren’t completely healed, they keep a regular check on them, and will be able to catch any signs of failure much faster than they did before.

                                                        vii.      I was close enough to death to have seen the Angel of Death.

b.      Also as a treatment I was instructed on a low sodium diet.

                                                              i.      The inability to have salt is NOT okay with me.

                                                            ii.      At the time I had gotten my appetite back I was eating a hotdog for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I refused to eat from the cafeteria.

                                                          iii.      This had done a number on my already high blood pressure.

                                                          iv.      I continued this diet throughout my chemo treatments as long as my mom was looking; otherwise, I ate as much salt (straight out of the shaker) that I wanted.

c.       Pills, pills, and more pills can almost define my daily consumption by mouth.

                                                              i.      At eleven years old I was taking 23 pills a day; Lupus medicine, BP medicine, blood clotting medicine, heart attack prevention medicine, you name it.

                                                            ii.      Today, I am only taking 10 pills a day.

                                                          iii.      I will always have to take this medication, as Lupus is a disease that is fatal if not properly treated. 

III.             Lupus, who I tend to refer to as my “best friend” since she goes everywhere I go affects my everyday life.

a.       During middle school is the absolute worst time to get sick, I blew up like a blow fish from steroids and got called fat, ugly, and even pregnant by some of the bigger idiots in the class.

b.      After a few months of chemo treatments my little brother, who was 5 at the time, cried every night because my hair kept getting stuck in the wheels of his Hot Wheels cars.

                                                              i.      It was at that point that I realized that it was not fair for everyone to suffer because of me.

                                                            ii.      Hair shouldn’t be falling out all over the place, that’s just nasty.

                                                          iii.      I realized my mom shouldn’t have to wash my hair with it falling out one hand full at the time, and

                                                          iv.      That if people wanted to talk about the missing patches of hair on my head that I should really give them something to talk about.

                                                            v.      My dad was a barber so I made arrangements to go to the shop, give everyone their chance to shave a part of my head (while we recorded it on video and took pictures), I even shaved some myself. 

                                                          vi.      As strange as it may sound it was a really fun experience, and not having to do a thing with your hair everyday sure beats having hair.

                                                        vii.      My parents bought me a wig and several hats; I wore them a week and threw them down.  I didn’t need them, they were hot, and to be honest I didn’t care what a single person thought (even though I went from being pregnant to gay in only a matter of months). 

                                                      viii.      My hair grew back in just enough time for my junior high prom.

c.       School attendance was another aspect of my everyday life affected by Lupus.

                                                              i.       I had to miss school for treatments, and sometimes just because my mom felt I was too weak to go (I never agreed with her).

                                                            ii.      For months I had to go to school only three days a week, and each day I would go to a different period (Mondays 1^st, Wednesdays 2^nd, and Fridays 3^rd).  This is a huge ordeal for an overachiever.

                                                          iii.      I sat in my hospital bed and treatment chairs doing homework the entire time I was hospitalized.  And it took a lot of hell raising to get them to bring me some work.

                                                          iv.      I even remember having a hospital tutor come in to help me.  I was having problems understanding math and he told me to just write down an answer, because the teacher would just give me a good grade for effort.

                                                            v.      I don’t remember my exact words but he left out of my room running.  I refused to get a grade “for effort” just because I was laid up in some hospital. 

                                                          vi.      Sometimes I still have to miss classes, but my professors can account for the fact that I never go over my absences even when sometimes I need to.

                                                        vii.      I’m going to law school, real life does not accept excuses, so if you never get used to making excuses you’ll never have to rely on excuses.

d.      My personality is affected by Lupus daily.

                                                              i.      She, Lupus, is my inspiration- she got me where I am today.

                                                            ii.      My strength, determination, faith and courage all come from her existence.

                                                          iii.      There are some days when I’m the happiest person I can be- those are the days I’m pain free.

                                                          iv.      There are some days I won’t speak to you unless you speak to me, and then I might not speak very nicely- and those are the days when Lupus is bipolar and takes it out on me.

1.      A part of Lupus is fatigue, pain in the joints, sensitivity to sunlight, and extreme sensitivity to stress.

2.      A mix between insomnia and my stress levels was the reason you had to experience me lying on that floor, and for that I apologize.

CONCLUSION

Summary Statement:  As scary as it may seem, I am truly blessed to have Lupus.  God give it to the girl he knew could handle it- the girl that should be drowning, but is swimming harder than ever before.  I could be sitting at home on the couch right now watching TV and drawing my disability, but I refuse to let something as simple as this hold me back.  I had dreams before my diagnosis and Lupus is not going to stand in my way.

Audience Response:  One of my biggest fears is having some type of Lupus reaction, such as passing out in public, when there isn’t a single person in the crowd who knows what to do.  But like I have said many times, God has a plan and a purpose, and the day I passed out in here you were all amazing, he knew that you had the education, strength, and ability to get something done quickly- and I thank all of you for that.

WOW statement:  I have Lupus, but Lupus does not have me.