The rain is tapping on our shutters, I hear the laughter of the children next door splashing in the mud puddles. Now, at this very moment, is the perfect time to write, because outside of these walls God is blessing me with my favorite weather- and the much needed rain for our environment.
Ever get the feeling that you're being judged? That no matter what you do someone is thinking negatively about you? I don't like to front- what you see is what you get. I consider myself a genuine person, I express my opinions, and I embrace my life as my own. Others, however, pretend to be sweet and innocent- hide the excessive profanity, revealing pictures, and the nights on the town. But yet I am the one in the spotlight. I am the one who is damned to hell because I have tattoos and piercings. I have learned that I need not depend on anyone but myself. No one knows me like I know myself. Their opinions do not matter. I wish I could embrace the life of "family" like I once had, or that you read about other people- but the fact is simple, it no longer remains, and I am just as happy without it. I am not sure how someone who professes to be heaven bound could judge me like that isn't a sin in itself. "You won't make it to Heaven with that on your shoulder," was the exact words my grandma rehearsed to me a little over a month ago. Guess we will meet in the other place, because one sin isn't any greater than another. My decision to decorate my temple isn't any worse than you judging me. I often wonder why people always pick out the negative things in a person's life to focus on. I do not drink, I do not do any type of drugs, I don't hang out with the wrong crowd, I don't let my grades slip, and strive nothing more than to be a good person, to be helpful, and to be successful. That, however, is not the person you would understand me to be through someone else's eyes. Very few people will graciously accept the goodness of an individual and embrace it over the bad. It is the very same people who will instantly be concerned about my health when I'm sick, suddenly feel the need to tell me that they love me and they are praying- then suddenly when I'm better I don't matter anymore. If you aren't concerned when I'm well, please don't bother with being concerned when I'm under the weather. I'm a pretty strong girl, I've handled it this long and I will continue to handle it for as long as I live. My birthday rolls around and I don't get a call, but it's alright. If you can live with it, so can I. It may seem as if I'm angry, hurt, disappointed, sad...I'm not. I'm simply just saying. People's ignorance only reflects their own character, not mine. I'm one of many who is a victim of such- and one of few who will speak up about it.
My message would simply be: Be your own foundation. Between you & God, you can handle anything. Lean not upon the understanding of someone else, but only upon your own. Live your life the way you understand to be right; convictions will follow if you're making the wrong decisions (or at least that is my opinion).
You don't have to agree, that's the good thing about life- we all have our own minds and ideas.
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