A junior in college- seems like a dream.

A break from the rushes of the last week of school was indeed needed on my behalf.  Papers, exams, deadlines here, deadlines there, planner all marked up with different colored "to do's," and a summer patiently awaiting!  While all of this seems to be so stressful and almost unbearable- that's not really the case.  While other semesters it has been, this go around is enjoyable.  The feeling of being successful, doing my best, and loving what I am doing is filling a void that I didn't even know existed.  My life as a college student is swiftly passing by as my sophomore year comes to a close; a junior in college- seems like a dream.

I was looking back to my last post- and my was it a dreadful one!  The pain that I had is now invisible as my happiness swallows it like a crashing wave.  Easter Sunday, this past weekend, was a blessing in itself.  One more Easter with Papa- thank you LORD for sparing him one more time!  He hid the eggs in the yard for all of us just as he's always done.  He laughed and cut-up at the table making silly jokes, and he hugged me like a million times.  One gesture that I'll never forget- and he doesn't even realize he did- was when he swooped me into his chest and kissed my forehead with a big ole' grin saying,  "Love you sug..." That man means the world to me!

They'll be patiently waiting for me!

This week I received dreadful news- news that I feared I would hear eventually, but not this soon.  A lady very dear to my heart was placed in a nursing home because she could no longer live by herself and her family lives out of town.  Her daughter informed me that she was not doing well and they weren't sure what else they could do for her.  This lady has had such a major impact on my life, an impact that I am not sure she is aware of.  When Bryan and I were applying to universities we had our choices, our acceptance letters, our money, but the decision was a hard one.  We went to talk to Mrs. Eva Cooper, "Aunt Eva" to us.  Her words of wisdom are always appreciated, and usually followed.  "I know both of you will be successful no matter where you go, but you know I will always support Campbell."  Enough said.  We decided Campbell immediately.  This decision will not seem to be such a life-changing one for those who have not experienced it- but trust me, the rest of my life will depend on this.  I love Aunt Eva so much.  I love her words, her company, her stories about dating Uncle Howard, her laughs, her smiles, her personality, she is such a wonderful person.  This news brought tears to my eyes.  How could such a wonderful person have to be placed in such a terrible place away from her home?!  I had all intentions of staying on campus for the next month, this news brought me home this weekend in a hurry.  Tomorrow I will be visiting her.  My heart aches because I don't know what to say.  I don't know what kind of shape to expect her to be in, and most of all I'm afraid to have to let her go.

Death- scary, dreadful, tears, pain, heartache, memories.

I went to see my Papa tonight; he was just let out of the hospital a few days ago.  He has an infection in his blood stream along with everything else in the world it seems like.  Bless his heart he looks so weak, bruised from head to toe, looks like he's losing weight at a ridiculous rate, but that smile...it hasn't left that handsome face of his.  Those jokes, they haven't stopped coming out of that mouth.  Those hugs, they haven't stopped coming from his arms.  I just look at him, he seems to be suffering but yet he doesn't want me to know it.  I worry all the time that I'm not going to be here if something happens.  What will I do if I get that call?  I can't get here within an hour if I were to get that call.  Have I done everything I can to make him happy and proud?  Does he know that I love him with all of my heart?  I fear this day more and more as time goes by.  My heart stops and my eyes flood everytime I have this thought.  I can't handle losing my Papa, he means the world to me.  I feel terrible for talking about this all the time, because I feel like I'm rushing it or something.  Should I even be talking about his death when he's here and happy?

I've never had anyone close to me pass away.  This experience will be one like no other for either of these individuals.  My heart is burdened for them, however, I know that when the time comes neither of them will have to second guess where they will be.  In the arms of the Lord, brothers and sisters in Christ...they'll be patiently waiting for me!